And by that I’m by no means saying that my life is horrible…by all accounts (including my own) I have a great life with a family that loves me, a home, a reliable car, my doggos and a job that I can do from anywhere. All that being said, I struggle on a daily basis to be okay. For much of 2024 as I transitioned out of the Army, there were days where I would literally lay in bed until the afternoon (with the exception of feeding the boys and letting them out). I was so lost and questioning what my life was going to look like after being part of something so much bigger than myself for the better part of a decade. As I was going through life after the military, I had the support of my family (especially my Mom and Aunt), the support of a few close friends and the support of my doctors (2 therapists and a psychiatrist). If you thought the grass was greener on the other side, I’m here to tell you that it really is green where you water it regardless of which side you’re on. Naively I thought that my PTSD, depression, ADHD and anxiety would be so much better after the Army, but if anything they got so much worse (hence not posting for a year).

With the help of my doctors I finally found a regiment of medications and CBT that worked for me…I also did EMDR therapy, but stopped for a short time because it was super uncomfortable. I threw everything but the kitchen sink at my mental health and for me, that included/includes medication. I know that medication is something that a lot of people don’t want to be reliant on, but for me this is what’s working for now. The stigma surrounding mental health medication is slowly changing, but we’re not there yet and while I’m all for natural remedies, sometimes lifestyle changes just aren’t enough to tackle mental illnesses. I will most likely always be no some type of mental health medication for my bi-polar, and for the foreseeable future for my PTSD, anxiety, ADHD and depression…I would say that’s unfortunate, but it’s not. These medications literally save my life on a daily basis.

When I’m not okay, which happens quite often, the last thing I want to do is take 4 different medications to support my mental health. Taking medication, taking a shower and even eating are so incredibly hard to do on those days, but I just have to repeat to myself that I’m doing what’s best for me. I love seeing other people’s journeys to better mental health and celebrate all of my friends that are able to get off medication completely. I love seeing people thriving and for me, thriving looks like taking 4 medications daily to ensure I don’t spiral into a hypo manic episode, I don’t dwell on things from my past or have a panic attack.

I’m not sure the purpose of this post, but I just had to write out some thoughts. If you’re on medication, go you! If you’re not on medication, also go you! I’ll be here cheering you on regardless of where you’re at in your mental health journey…and sometimes, it’s okay to not be okay.